The Seattle Trip is getting close. I’ve been house-sitting the past two weeks and only got back home yesterday — with food poisoning. Today was spend in town running errands. This evening will be spend updating the photo blog, working through the backlog so I’m not behind when I leave. That gives me two days to get my stuff together and pack for the three weeks I’ll be gone… Nothing like the last minute! (…while I do realize that to some people that would still actually be planning ahead, I am not usually that kind of person…)
This trip was suppose to be my reward, the thing to look forward to, my carrot to get me through the drag my last month of massage school had become. But the closer it gets, the more stressed and anxious I feel about it.
I know part of it is due to just being away from home for two weeks already, and the last few days being so ‘crunch-time’ busy, and all the planning that goes into a jam-packed trip like I’ve got going on. It’s the stress of trying to balance time and schedules with so many different people, and the social anxiety having to interact with people who will be focused on me and my conversation. I genuinely want to see these people, but that doesn’t change the fact my basic instinct towards a social situation like that is to hide. And it’s simply that my body is already exhausted with too many nights of not enough sleep in other people’s beds with dogs that wake me up, and with getting over the food poisoning.
I know I’ll be excited again when I get on the plane, and then even more when I step out into the SeaTac terminal and smell in the Northwest air again, and start seeing my friends and familiar buildings and streets. I know I’ll be excited with each place I stay, everywhere I go, all the people I see. I know I’ll enjoy myself, and that I’ll be sad and excited to go back to Hawaii.
But right now I’m just tired.