I just wrote a really long personal post that I was planning on edited down, and accidentally published it before doing so. I took it down, but for those of you who see it anyway, well, consider it bonus first draft material.
The short(er) version of what I wanted to say before is this:
I’ve just passed the two year anniversary of moving to Hawaii (this time. There was another time too, about seven years ago now. It didn’t last as long).
I came here under very painful and complex circumstances; it involved multiple unhealthy relationships, one of which was romantic and several of which I was co-habituating with. My parents offered me an out when I had basically hit rock bottom with it all (and had been scrapping along it for a while because I hadn’t really told anyone how bad it was).
I didn’t look back.
As soon as I got off the plane and felt the welcoming hug of the warm damp tropical air — like being enveloped by a fuzzy blanket — I knew I was home.
I spent two years in Hawaii putting the pieces of myself back together and gluing it with shiny metallic glue and sparkles and spikes to make it every better and stronger than when it broke.
A lot of this work was done by going through massage school and apprenticeship, a lot was done by simply being around the healthy relationship of my parents and new friends, and a lot more was done through my bardic training.
My spiritual/pagan side is very important to me; I’m a self-described “witchy-druid” due to how I blend those paths. The Order of Bards Ovates and Druids course (clink on the link for more info about them) gave me useful structures and exercises to follow and adapt, which in turn has given me more stability and foundation in my life — not only spiritually, but also emotionally and socially and mentally.
I’ve embraced being single, and while I miss my things (still packed in storage in another state) I’ve always liked feeling kind of rootless, too. I want to wander, to travel, to see where life takes me. I don’t want to be tied down yet. I don’t want attachments to places.
Not yet. Not until I’ve had a chance to “go walkabout” for while.
Thanks to the growth and change and tools that I’ve acquired during this time in Hawaii, I feel like I might actually get to accomplish this life-long dream while still in my twenties! It’s a pretty empowering feeling to know that goals are reachable if you keep focused on them and add a touch of self-confidence and stubbornness.
I feel like I’m outgrowing this stage of the journey, and I’m ready to stretch those wings again and fly the nest for a second time…